Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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