What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
