I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
