did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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