I accidentally burped into my bong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
