Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
