Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Congratulations! We have a period
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