I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
