We're facebook friends in real life
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize