I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
