I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
