We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
