I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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