I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
