i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
