at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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