My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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