Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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