Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
