He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
