Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
