What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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