god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
