but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
