I'm really into asian looking animals
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
