Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
