I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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