Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
