I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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