how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
