No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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