Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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