I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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