Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize