hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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