Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
