i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Randomize