Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
