he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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