Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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