do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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