You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
