Porn is love you can see.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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