i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
