I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
