so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I smell like Dick and happiness
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
