I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
