I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I see more hoeing in ur future
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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