My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
