dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
