i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
