I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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