Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize