Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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