Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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