Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
