You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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