ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
