Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
