Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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