battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
