Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
