when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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