dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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