You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
