I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need to calm my uterus...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
